Each show night when the house opens and the audience enters to take their seats, I am already onstage writing on my laptop while Noah and Matt are in place in the scene. Here are excerpts from what is stirring in my brain while the patrons mill about and I pretend I can't hear what they're saying.
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SUNDAY'S SHOW - 5.13.12
I guess I just want to make an impact on the world around
me. I know I’m here for a reason. I know I’m supposed to create art that heals
people. But I’m scared. I’m scared to fuck this up. I’m scared to die without
making my mark. I’m scared because I know I only have this one life, and only
this much time to do something about it.
There’s a portal in my heart that’s opened. I’m listening to
Coldplay’s “Warning Sign”. And the lyric is “And the truth is…I miss you.” And
that is the truth. I miss my dad. I miss how he used to be. I miss how much we
used to see each other. And I want this play to be special because he’s so
special to me.
My dad saved my life. He kept me safe and he allowed me to
be who I wanted to be. He was scary as hell sometimes. And he wasn’t always
loving and emotionally available. But he was strong and he protected me and he
was a good dad. And if I can do this for him, I will.
I know he’s lived a good life. I know he’s going to be
okay. I’m proud of him. And I want
other people to be proud of him.
Sometimes you just have to let it all go.
So what am I supposed to do now? Maybe this play sucks.
Maybe everyone’s just being nice to me. Not wanting to tell me what they really
think? Maybe I’m just washed up and ready to surrender.
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